For the "i-dont-even-know"th Time

It's not really every night, every other night or very often that I dream of him. My title's like that because for the first time in forever, there's this someone who appeared maybe not constantly in my dreams but numerous times.

It was just a short appearance though. But it made me really happy (even just in my dreams). A dream I would love to happen in reality. That is why I didn't share it to anyone and it's just only in here where I'm sharing it because I want to keep that memory, that dream rather.

The location was in a beach and by the look of it, the sun was setting. JaDine has a surprise taping in that place and it just so happen that I was in there. Yes, JaDine. James Reid and Nadine Lustre.

I wasn't an extra, not even a staff or anything that would give me an access to be close to JaDine but there was this point where I got the chance to see James and Nadine up close and by up close, I mean just inches away.

I was so starstruck-ed when I saw them that close, especially James. I knew in my mind that it wasn't my first time seeing them but with that short proximity between us, it made the feeling all brand new. Or is it that James really have that effect on girls? Either way, I was in awe.

The middle-aged man who was besides me offered his hand to James for a hand shake. I don't even know that guy although I didn't really see his face. I just had a feeling about it. Lol. James took the hand and smiled brightly. With that, I melted.

When their hand shake was over, I tried my luck and also offered my hand. I didn't really expect him to hold and shake it. But then, he did! He also knew my name. He knew my freakin name in my dream! I was so stunned in that moment. He said, "Maecy. Maecy, right?" with a slight hint of his Aussie accent. I was so awkward in saying "yeah" though. Because for Pete's sake, who would have thought that he would knew my name? Then he started saying why he knew my name. That part is already cloudy for me. But I think it's because of a gift that I gave him. I really can't remember. Hahaha.

And just like that, my dream shifted into another scene with another cast. I won't share that part anymore since my main topic in here is about James being in my dreams.

I have to admit that I am hoping that it will happen in real life just like how that short proximity and white shirt dream somewhat came to life.

But of course, I'd be a fool if I truly believe that that will really happen. Where would I meet them? It's not like they're going back here in Ilocos. And what would be that one gift (if that was really a gift) that would make THE James Reid know and remember my name?

I'll just wait and see if someday, somehow, that will happen in real life. I know that my stay in James' side is not going to end just yet.

That Dream ..

I can't recall the exact date when I had dreamed of him for the first time but it was kind of shocking for me to have him in my dreams again.

So, in that day, I saw him. I thought of him before I went to sleep. I just didn't expect for him to appear in my dreams.

He was wearing a white shirt. The shirt he wore the first time I saw him. He was playing with my four-year old cousin. He was soooo close to me, I can even touch him if I wanted. But no, I just stared at him like as if I was memorizing all the details in his face. It was just shocking for me to see freckles in the part below his eyes. I know for sure that he doesn't have any freckles. Not a single dot.

If that happened in real life, I would have hugged him, I would have kissed him. But in my dream, I didn't.

But not only that, Nadine was standing besides me. She was watching him the way I did.

And just like that, I woke up. That dream ended. That beautiful dream has come to an end.

In that next day, I saw him with a close proximity, like how close he was to me in my dreams. It's like my dream came true, only that we were separated by a window. He was in a car, I was outside it. But the view, his looks, it was nearly the same except for the freckles.

And actually, he was wearing a white shirt underneath the opened plaids.


Too close to that dream. Yeah, too close.

Loving Him Was REiD

June 26, 2015-- the very first time that I saw him in flesh.

I have known about their concert in Laoag but unfortunately, I wasn't able to get a meet and greet ticket because the ticket price is quite pricey.
After our class, we went immediately to the hotel where the meet and greet was held. A lot of fans were there, patiently waiting for JaDine's exit.
We were situated near the gate bars. When people were starting to come out from the hotel, the roar of the crowd got louder.
And when that guy in white came out, we all lose it. It was just for a few seconds, or milliseconds rather, but it was enough to make us crazy.

November 23, 2015-- another chance had given to me.

A rumor was spreading about JaDine arriving in Vigan to shoot some scenes for their show. I was all ears for inside scoops so I can track where JaDine is heading.
Actually, I have a class from 2-5PM but fate was so good to me. Our prof had a meeting so he wasn't able to meet us.
We went to the lagoon immediately to watch their shooting but BaiLona is the one shooting their scene. I am also a fan of them so I was sooo happy to see them.
Bailey is the "fetus Justin Bieber" (as my ex-belieber fan tagged him) but I can't agree more because yes, he is like Justin Bieber. I was able to stare at him for long during their taping. My closest interaction to him is when he was inside the van. He was sitting near the window. The window was tinted but I can still see him clearly. I was looking at him through the window. He was just a window away from me. If the window was open, I can really touch him and smell him.
For Ylona, she is sooo cute. Although I wish that her make up was a little lighter because I want her simple. The first time I saw her is when she was still in the van. I looked at her through the window and when I saw her, I couldn't help but to shrieked.
After that, we went in front of the Cordillera Inn. A lot of people were also there.

And after patiently waiting for almost two hours (just imagine how tired and hungry we were), JaDine finally went out the door. The crowd was unbelievable! The cheer of the crowd were so loud you can even feel the vibration. It also felt like my eardrums were about to explode because of the intensity of the cheer.
He smiled and waved the moment they went out. I was really about to go insane.

After that, we ran to the Vigan cathedral because they are to shoot in there. We went inside the church but JaDine was in front of the cathedral, delivering their lines.
But there was a moment when they opened the door. Although I was metersssss away from their location, I saw clearly how masculine his back is. He even took a gaze inside the church so I saw his beautiful face again.

Unfortunately, we were sent out of the church for they are going to shoot in there.
When we went out, I was trying my very best to take just a glimpse of them but too bad, I wasn't tall enough to see what was happening. The crowd was really that big.

November 24, 2015-- a hopeless day turned a happy one.

By near 11AM, someone sent me a message telling me that they are going to shoot in the empanadaan. Because we just can't get enough of him, we ditched the seminar and went to their location.
They were inside the van when we got there. I also saw Nadine (through the tinted window of the van, thank you sunlight for lighting her spot so I can see her) and Bailey (when they slightly opened the door).
I really want to wait for them to get out of the van but I have a class which is a major one so I needed to go back to school.
By noon, they told me that JaDine already left to Ilocos Norte. I wasn't expecting anymore. I went home immediately after our class.
Just when I was surfing the net, I received a text from a friend saying that JaDine is still in Vigan and they're shooting in Calle Crisologo.
After hearing that, I was soooo frustrated. I was mislead by the info saying that JaDine went to Ilocos Norte.

I was in total bad mood. I was in the edge of crying until my sister called me saying that they saw the truck of ABS-CBN in a nearby brgy in our town.
My sister went to that location. I told my parents about that so I can also go there but they didn't believe in that info so we were left in the house.
I called my sister and she told me that the camera is rolling so she needs to stay quiet. Goddamn it, that was the time that the tears raced down from my eyes.
I was soooo frustrated. I was soooo .. I don't know. I can't even express how intense I felt that time.
I was sooo hopeless to the point that I was talking to his magazine cover. I was wondering if I was that bad in my past life for me to experience these kind of things.

My mom must have known. She called my dad to fetch us so we can also go to their location.
When we got to the location, a number of people were there, watching their shooting. I can only see Bailey, Kiko and Axel from our view. Until Nadine showed up. She's just really pretty. She's so flawless. Her jet black hair suits her well.
And the crowd got wild when James showed up. He faced us, smiled and waved. Goodness, that was one of the best moments of my life.
He was showing us his back. I was really contented just by looking at his back. Sometimes, I can see his side profile though.
Then he disappeared. But thanks to my observant eyes, I spotted him at the door. He's talking to someone and from what I can read from his lips, he's saying something like "in the car." He was really cute in that moment. He looks like a child asking his parents for something. I can't help but to admire him more.
Not long after, he went inside the car. I was looking at him through the tinted window. He was sitting in the middle part. He glanced in our part and I swear, I think I saw him looked at me. Immediately, I said "hi" and waved. If it wasn't that dark, I would have determined if he really looked at me. But just by the thought of it, I am about to go crazy. Whether he looked at me or not, I'm already contented.
A staff was stopping us to go to the window and take a glance inside the van but thanks to those who are taking pictures with flash, it gives light for me to see his face. Ohmygoodness, he is one heck of a handsome guy. His white complexion, his pinkish lips, his messy hair, his perfectly defined eyebrows, his eyes, ohmygooosh, his pair of brown eyes are sooo .. I don't know. Expressive?
Luckily, the staff went to check on something so I grabbed the chance to sneak a peak inside the van. He was busy with his MacBook. I even saw his iPhone saying 8:45 PM when it lighted.
It was dim inside, yes, but I don't care.
There was also someone sitting near the window. I was just a freaking window and one person away from him but that was already close enough.
I was able to stare at him for long. I saw how pointed his nose is. I saw how handsome he is.

Too bad, they already needed to go.
I am now very contented with my experience with him.

And yeah, I'm talking about James Reid,
Loving him is hard, with all the issues and stuff going around, I got hurt, yes, but I don't know. I can't leave his side just yet.
I don't know how long will this last but I am very sure that I am not going to leave his side for now. This is one heck of a rollercoaster ride and I am enjoying it (including all the downfalls).

Fangirling ...

I fangirl over Daniel Padilla, EXO, and 5SOS but there's something about James Reid that made me fangirl over him the most.

During the time that I was fangirling over Daniel Padilla, I entered a fandom where I even signed up to be an official member of the group. I even bought the official t-shirt. I was one of the most active members in our group here in our province.

The most prized possession I got from the moment I fangirled over Daniel Padilla was the signed album of Princess & I.

The thing why I am not that attached to my fangirling over Daniel is because of his on-screen partner, Kathryn Bernardo.

Kathryn is a nice girl but I just don't like her. I don't like their team up with Daniel. I even shipped Daniel and Liza Soberano during their Got to Believe soap opera because yeah, they looked good together.

One of the best days of my fangirling life was the time I saw Daniel Padilla in person. It was November 23, 2014 at the Centennial Gym in Laoag City. Thank goodness, my mother allowed me to go. It wasn't a night event anyway.

All they did is play basketball. Bonus is that, I even saw other artists like Jon Lucas, Young JV, Manolo Pedrosa and other more Star Magic artists. Alexa Ilacad was also there!

Although Daniel didn't speak nor I didn't have the chance to take a photo with him, I still treasure that day, and always will.


For EXO, I became a fan because of a friend. EXO is the only KPop boy group I've fangirled over. I am not really into KPop. I like KPop music, I like KDramas, I love South Korea. But, never did I plan to be attached in a KPop group for I barely understand them and to me, they all seem to look just the same. Lol.

All I got as an EXO merch was a t-shirt (WOLF 88 with Luhan print in the front). I just can't afford the shoes and the MCM bag.

Worst part of my experience is that when they have an event and our internet connection decides to be really friggin' slow like ugh, I am losing all my patience and all I see is a circle, just circling around and never gives me the video I wanna watch. Tss.

The most prized possession I got from fangirling over EXO is ther Overdose album. It was really expensive. I even waited for several weeks before I got mine but it was all worth it. It only had five songs tho. Hahaha. But I like the packaging. It was really nice.

Now, I do not belong in this fandom anymore. Issues came. Some members left (including my bias, Luhan) and I lose all the interest. I am not that attached to them anyway.

But I will miss OT12. The fun times. The sad times. EXO Showtime was one of my favorites. It shown the other side of EXO. It was funny, it was good, it was real.


Another is the Aussie band, 5 Seconds of Summer. I loved their She Look So Perfect song but I didn't become a fan of them just yet. It was only then when I saw their Don't Stop music video. Luke Hemmings was beyond handsome in that video that I searched them right up and there, I became an instant fan. Hahaha.

What I love about them is that they're crazy. Instead of being annoyed by their "green mentality" and childish acts, you'll just got to love them more.

I also like their music genre. Their songs are so catchy. It's not a hardcore rock, it's more of pop rock. I also like it when they released their song Amnesia. It's kind of a sad song but for me, it balanced their usual kind of catchy songs.

Only their album LIVE SOS is onhand with me and that is what I consider as my prized possession. 5 Seconds of Summer (their first album) was out of sight in the record store so I just bought that one. I can't really say that it's better but listening to it gives you concert feels. The ad-lib, the side comments, the cheer of the fans, those makes it wild and fun.

I do plan to buy their second album tho. But I'm just goin' to buy it when I go to Manila.

The sad part right now is that they've changed, especially Luke. Well, not really a bad kind of change but maybe I think it's too soon. I'm not yet ready for a matured 5SOS. I'm just goin' to make a separate blog post for this. Lol.

Actually, there's a good news. 5SOS will be having a concert in Manilaaaaa! The bad news is, I can't go. Manila is like 8-10 freakin' hours away. The concert tickets also cost like gold. Plus, I don't have any companion so I will just listen to their album on March 12, 2016. Sigh.


So before I get more emotional over 5SOS and their upcoming concert, I will now proceed with James Reid.

I am sooo hooked with him and I don't know why.

From the start, I've been a fan of JaDine, yeah, JaDine. I like them as a team. But when their show On The Wings Of Love came out, I came to love James as James alone. Although I still love JaDine as a tandem.

Maybe James' role is a big factor why I love him this much. Clark Medina, his character, is very charming. He is not the cliche rich guy with a bad boy look but his smile is enough to catch the hearts of girls.

July 26, 2015 is another most unforgettable day of my life. For in this day, I saw James Reid, up close and for free! I really wanted to go to their concert in Laoag but I know for sure that they won't allow me because it's a night event. But the important thing is, I saw him even just for a few seconds.

Everytime that I hear or pass by Hotel Luna, I remember him.

I swear to Gods, he is like a vampire. I still can't believe that I saw him, If given a opportunity, I would hug him. I really wanna hug him.

Also, despite the issues that he had been involved, I might get really sad and disappointed sometimes but I still wanna stay by his side for he inspires me in a way no one else can do. He inspires me in a different way. I don't wanna elaborate in details as to why. He knows it, if ever he happened to read my DMs to him.

And yeah, I send him DMs in IG. I started sending him DMs on November 1, 2015. It's not everyday that I send him DMs. Just when the times that I feel like it. But yeah, I really do hope that he already read my DMs to him.

It's actually my first time to be this understanding and supportive. Understanding in the part of his issues and supportive in the part of buying stuff and exerting all the efforts for him.

All I have right now is his perfume "to my Mrs. Reid." That was my first ever transaction online. I would really do anything if I really want something. And I also got the Candymag ish where he is the cover.

I am also planning to order a customized pillow with James' faces on it but I still have to think about it for it is a little pricey.

For his album, I don't have it yet. But I hope it would still be available the time that I go to Manila.


Fangirling is frustrating, it makes you cray cray, it makes you sad, it makes you happy. Never a single minute that I've regretted being a fan girl. Yeah, it's hard especially when you know that you're exerting a lot of effort and money for a person who doesn't even know your existence but it's all worth it because it's the happiness that they give me and that is one thing that cannot be bought.

Crush-less

Ever since the day that I've moved on my from long time crushes, it seems like I can't have the same kind of crush with other guys. I mean, okay, I like them but it's just short termed. It wouldn't last that long.

And now, I feel so lifeless. I don't have anyone to stalk anymore. I don't have anyone who will make me feel giddy anymore. But maybe the good thing is, I don't have anyone to break my heart (without his prior knowledge) anymore.

I tried to find a guy whom I can have a long term crush but they just all come and go. The moment they start not showing up and/or the moment they don't make things to make me feel special anymore, that's when my light feelings fade.

But still. they would have an effect on me but not that severe anymore. I'll just feel a little, just the tiniest bit of intimidation. And a little bit of kilig.

Sometimes, I feign the kilig when I have a short interaction with a light crush of mine just so I can feel kilig with real people and not just with romantic dramas or novels.

It's also not a help that my celebrity crushes don't have the same effect on me anymore. Maybe it's because I don't spazz them that much.

For my penguin Luke Hemmings, maybe that one factor for the degression of my feelings for him is that he's now dating somebody. That 0.000000000001% hope of mine has gone to flat 0%. I know that he's just my fantasy but every fangirl dreams of having their bias to be their destiny.

Perhaps the problem just lies on me and my high standards. I don't know. The moment I've became a fangirl, the moment I've read romantic novels with leading men to gush over, my standard just went up like that.

I'm now looking for a guy who doesn't exists. 

Who am I anyway? What right do I have to be this choosy? I am just a plain Jane. A nobody. A girl who's out of the radar of those guys whom I want.

I am just blinded by my hopeless imagination.

So, before this post gets more dramatic, I am now ending it.
Yeah, I am crush-less. I am hopeless. But atleast I'm not someone who's going for anyone just to be not left behind.

Everything Happens for a Reason -- DOST Scholarship

Weeks passed by since the result of the DOST scholarship exam came out. I have already absorbed that fact and I have already accepted it.

It was during our class in EDP when a group from media interrupted our class and asked for me. They asked for an interview. Ohmygoodness.

That day, unluckily, was the day I didn't exert an effort to look good. I mean, I got a messy and unruly hair that day and I didn't even combed my hair when I put it on a ponytail on the side.

That was just a short interview though. But still, it was embarrassing for me. I am not used to be the one talking more in a conversation. I am more of a listener than a speaker.

Also, they filmed me during my class like ajhdjhfuhgkagk. How can I be able to concentrate on the activity I'm doing? Feeeeerk, that was so intimidating. I am sooo conscious with my actions. My hands were extra shaking like hell.

But after that, I've realized something-- that maybe the reason why I didn't pass the exam on my first try is that there is something more than just merely passing the exam. That there is this recognition that I will have. That this is the thing I deserve. That for once in my life, I deserve to have a recognition where more people will know about it. Where my achievement is something worthy to be news about.

Even though how happy I was about that recognition, about that interview, I didn't have the guts to share the world that I had the chance to be interviewed. I didn't even tell it to my family. Hahaha.

The Result I Dread to Know

It was July when I took the exam for the DOST scholarship. After about two months of waiting, the result has finally arrived.

September 15, 2015. How can I ever forget this day? It consisted of two events. First, it's the day wherein we had our annual Solidarity Night then second, the out-of-the-blue result day.

I want to share things about our Solidarity Night but since it's not the main topic in here, I will just skip on it.

So, after our Solidarity Night, I arrived at our house at around 10PM. Since I got pictures in my tablet, I decided to upload them right away even though I know that our internet connection is like a turtle.

I was then scrolling my news feed when a chat popped out. It was a message from a 4th yr, same course.

Her message consists of a link. Just by the name of the link, I already knew that it was about the result.

My heart was already pounding so hard, my hands were shaking more than ever.

I waited for the document to be downloaded. And when it was done downloading, I immediately went to my mother.

The door to their room was locked so I knocked and knocked. I can still hear their TV on so I assumed that she's still awake despite the time. I can't recall the exact time but I'm sure that it must be around 11PM.

I was so afraid to scroll and to check if my name was included in the list. I wanted to have my mother be the one to check it but I didn't fight the urge to check my name myself.

Since my last name starts with letter N, I was stocked on the last names starting with letter M. I was really nervous. And when I had the courage, I scrolled it more and I was sooooo shocked to see my last name. I still had to check if that last name had my first name. There could be someone who shares the same last name that also took the exam.

And when I saw my name, my freakin' whole name, that's the time that my mother opened the door.

I got mixed emotions that time.

I was happy that my mother was sooo proud and glad that for the second try, I've already passed the exam. But at the same time, I felt nervous. Teaching career, here I come.

Even though I am not still in favor of the ROS, I just can't refuse to accept the scholarship. I've disappointed my mother enough, it's time to fulfill one of her dreams for me.

Maybe there will come a time that I will be able to love my teaching career. Someday ... Somehow ...

The Heir by Kiera Cass

Maxon Schreave and America Singers' lovestory is now over. It's time for a new Selection led by a girl-- Princess Eadlyn Schreave, the first child of Maxon and America.

Kiera Cass really possesses a God-given talent in writing. I love the way she writes. It's not dull. You can relate to her characters, not maybe with them being in a royal family but with their personalities.

So, in this new Selection, Eadlyn is an independent lady who doesn't want .. or need rather, a guy who will help her in her duties and responsibilities as the future queen of Ilea. She also like to keeps things private. She doesn't want to be bared. And those are the characteristics of Eadlyn that I can relate to.
Her reasoning and the way she handles things, those are the things I admire about her.

As the story rolls, I find Kile Woodwork to be the most suitable guy for Eadlyn. They both grew up in the palace. Kile is the son of Lady Marlee. And looking back at the Maxon-America era, Lady Marlee was a close friend of America. Sooo, there's already no problem when it comes to the parents. Hahaha.

But really, Eadlyn doesn't want the Selection (but was obliged to do so) and Kile was also not amenable in joining the Selection (but he cannot back out), and that made me want them to end up even more. It's like destiny.

And because they already know each other, Eadlyn used Kile to spice up the event. They made a deal. They staged a kissed. Damn, I don't know but that made me sooo giddy! There were no feelings involved but I'm sure, in their succeeding kisses, it would contain feelings by then.

There were of course, other great guys from the Selection like Henri. He speaks Finnish and just a little bit of English. He got a translator named Erik. Language is one great hindrance for Henri and Eadlyn to really get along. But gooosh, they shared a kiss! I got really mad because I'm rooting Kile for Eadlyn but on the bright side, I like that Eadlyn thought of Kile after the kiss. Hahaha.

I also think that Erik has developed feelings for Eadlyn. He's not in the Selection so that should be a problem. He just can't make his moves to her. And it would be really hard for him to compete with the other males.

What I also love about this book is how the love of brothers was shown. When Eadlyn was "harassed" by Jack, all of his brothers comforted her. They protected her. They even slept in one bed. That's just sooo cute for me.

The last part of the book was about Queen America having a heart attack. That made Eadlyn to be serious in the Selection. She will make sure that after the Selection, she will be married with one of the Selected. Dang, I am beyond excited for the next book!

And actually, if you analyze the plot, you can say that it's kind of cliche but Kiera Cass used her magic in making the story a worthwhile read.

I am definitely recommending it to others.

Was It Him or Naah?

Before I tackle the main point of this blog, I just wanna share that it's already 11:27PM and I don't have classes tomorrow. Since there will be a power interruption tomorrow, I felt the need to post a blog today and the topic will be about that guy I saw.

So it was during our Modern Physics class. I didn't enjoy the class today because all we did is to derive formulas. I hate deriving. I hate Math. I know it's weird for me to say that since I am enrolled under the Physics program and being a Math literate is really needed for me to survive this course but I can't help it, that is what I really feels. Hahaha.

I was already hella dizzy with the derivation. I felt some people were standing in front of the door. I looked through the window of the door and then for a moment, I think I was frozen.

There were two people. One was facing in our part and the other was showing his back. That guy who was facing us was soooo damn familiar. I stared at him for long. He was talking to the other guy, he's not looking at me so it's safe for me to stare at him for long. Then suddenly, he looked at me.

I was shocked. I didn't even think that I was the one he was really looking at. But he didn't break the gaze.

After looking at his face, after looking at his eyes, I really had a strong feeling that it was him.

Who am I even talking about? It's the guy I HAD a crush on when we went to Ifugao for a national competition. He caught my attention because of his leather jacket plus white tee plus black skinny jeans. The bad boy type of guy indeed.

We really didn't have interactions. It was only when he asked me if I own the cup of juice, that's all. And the funny part? He called me "ate" (sister). Like, what the heck? All I did is shook my head as an answer.

Yes. I also know that he's a year younger than me. I don't really want that I'm the one older. I'm childish so I want to feel security in my partner. I want him older than me. Wait, partner? How did I go to that part already? Hahaha.

And my  crush for him only lasted for 2-3 days. I don't stalk him anymore. It's also been 6 months since the last time I saw him.

Sooo, going back to the present. I was the one who broke the gaze since the back of my mind reminded me that I am inside a class and that I should be listening if I want to understand the lesson. But then again, I didn't fight the urge to look back at him ... again. And still, his eyes are still set into mine. Like as if the moment I wasn't looking, he was still looking at me and didn't really break the stare.

I was feeling giddy inside even though I'm not still sure if he really is the guy from Ifugao. But damn, how can I forget his face? Yes, its been 6 months. Yes, he was about 4-5 meters away. Yes, there was a window in between us. But seriously, I really think it's him. It was because of his eyes. I can still remember those eyes who, for once, looked at me. And if he was just a stranger who happened to stay in front of our room for awhile, he wouldn't look at me for so long considering that he got companion and they were talking.

My basis of saying that it's him is actually lame but my guts are really telling me that it's him.

Whether it was him or naah, it wouldn't change the fact that I felt giddy because of him and that he was the reason for me not to be able to concentrate in our class anymore. Hahaha.

But if it was really him, I'm glad. I hope he can still remember me like I remembered him. I also hope that I could see him again, someday, somehow, somewhere.

A Trip to Manila

July 25, 2015. We all gathered in front of the administration building for our departure. I was feeling nervous. I recalled all the things I've brought to check if I left something. I also braced myself for the long ride ahead since I have motion sickness. But since I didn't feel nausea on our last trip to Manila, I didn't take any meds.

2PM on the clock when we started to be on the road. I was trying to enjoy the view. I was in deep thoughts during the ride. There were also times when I suddenly remember things in the past that made me kilig. It would be then too late for me to suppress that smile. Good thing no one's looking. They might think that I'm going insane. Hahaha.

We stopped over gasoline stations once in a while. We also had our dinner at one of the restaurants along the highway. It was past 12 midnight when we arrived at the apartment in Quezon City.

By 4AM, we woke up to a long line for the bathroom. I only had 3 hours of sleep. We had our turn after 4 damn hours. If only I knew that I would be the second to the last person to use the bathroom, I should have sleep some more.

It was around 11AM when we arrived at the SMX Convention Center.
The exhibitions were great. The inventions were mostly about complicated engines and generators. It didn't really helped me think of my own thesis title. I am not inclined with engines and stuff like that. They're too hard for me to understand. Hahaha. It didn't only consist of Physics inventions. There were also things connected to the other branches of Science. In Biology, there were exhibits about plants and hybrids, things like that I really can't understand. And for IT, there were programming things. Sorry, I can't really describe those things since I didn't pay much attention to those.

By lunch time, we ate with the family of our adviser. After that, we went on separate ways. We were given until 7PM to walk around the Mall of Asia.

The mall was enormously big. If I were alone wandering that place, I wouldn't know where to go and where to exit. Good thing that one of our companions knows the place.

We spent most of our time in the department store. I bought this cute statement shirt saying "one day, I will rule the planet" with a cute penguin on the left side of it. I also wanted to buy a culture shirt but the designs available weren't pleasing to my eyes.

There was also this shirt who got the faces of 5SOS! I almost shrieked when I saw that shirt. I was about to buy that but the size is too large for me. I also didn't bother to ask for a smaller size because of its price. Hahaha.

I also bought the LIVE SOS. The first album was out of sight so I just bought that one. Finally, I got 5SOS album. I will look forward to their second album. Hihihi.

I was really shocked when I saw the price of Darren Espanto's album. It costs 500 freakin' pesos! 5 pesos more expensive than the album of 5SOS. I cannot believe it. It's even more expensive than the album of the Teen King, Daniel Padilla. I really can't think of reasons why that album costs that much.

July 27, 2015. Second day.
We, the Physics students, stayed at the apartment where the daughter of our adviser stays. Damn man, the place was so good. It got air-condition in the room so it was really cold. The view was also great. We were at the 22nd floor. It was high but I really liked the view from above.

After we had our breakfast, we went to SMX and only to find out that we were the ones (from UNP) who was first to arrive. The line for the venue was pretty long that time so we just went to the side of MOA and we waited for the others in there. After about 30 mins or so, they finally arrived. We entered inside the bus to put our extra baggage.

When we entered the venue, we went straight to the center where the DOST booth is. It composed of six parts.
There was also this area where you can get your height and your weight. My height is now 157.5 cm and my weight is 43.4 kg. But as expected, I am underweight. Hahaha. Sooo, I really need to eat a lot.

After roaming around the DOST booth, we were about to go to the center part for the robotics exhibition of Pisay but we were sooo hungry, we left the place and went to MOA.

We didn't go back to the venue anymore. We wandered around MOA once again and this time, we bought our pasalubong. I bought a dozen of original glazed doughnuts in Krispy Kreme since it's our favorite in the house. I also bought one pack (10's) of Goldilock's polvoron for the people in school who will ask for theirs.

At 5PM, we gathered in front of SMX and we bid our farewell to Manila.

By 3AM, we arrived safely in Vigan and after how many sleepless nights, I finally had a looooong and comfortable sleep at home.

Unrequited Love

You love someone who doesn't love you back? That's definitely an unrequited love.

I've experienced this thing a lot of times. And still, it damn hurts every single time I experience this with each guy I like. Yes, I like. I haven't been in love just yet.

You know the feeling when you feel giddy with just simple gestures coming from your crush? When he looks at you, you just feel like somersaulting in too much joy.When he smiles, it makes your heart melt. And just how happy you can be if he talks to you? Ohmygosh, I know for a fact that there's a big chance you would stutter and that your brain will run out of things to say because you won't be able to absorb the fact that your crush is actually talking to you. Worst is, when you start making embarrassing things in front of him! Yikes!

But after feeling sooo giddy, a sad truth will always occur to you. That he is out of your reach. He is someone who wouldn't feel the same. He is someone who will go for girls who are much cooler than you, the girl you will never be.

He will never be yours. It's one-sided love like that, unrequited.

I don't know why I'm writing with a topic like this. Perhaps because of the gloomy weather. Or maybe just the fact that I know my present crush is another guy who will make me experience this again. Either way, I'm still going to post this because I feel like it.

Happy Birthday, My Penguin

July 16, 1996
A cute little penguin was born in Sydney, Australia. A cute fetus named Lucas Robert Hemmings.

From being a Youtube sensation (together with his band mates), they started the road to fame when One Direction invited them to do an opening number.

Out of the four members of 5 Seconds of Summer (5SOS), he is my bias (but I love them all four). He seems like an Edward Cullen standing under the sun. He's shining in my eyes. He stood out. And although he's not a thief, he still managed to steal my heart so swiftly.

So, what do I love about Luke?
His eyes. He got this blue pair of eyes. Oh god, how I love those eyes to look at me, to stare at me and to make me lost in my thoughts with just his eyes.
His lip piercing. I can imagine Luke without the piercing and he looks so innocent. I love the piercing because this added some angst into his look. I'm not really into guys with piercing but he is an exemption. Hihihi.
His blonde hair. I don't know. I like blonde guys. Hahaha.
His love for penguin. A guy who's part of a punk rock band who has this username @luke_is_a_penguin is just soo .. weird. Weird but amusing. And how do you expect someone who's part of a punk rock band to love penguins sooo much that he even have a stuff toy of it? Just adorable.
He's childish. He loves penguins and he sleeps with his stuff toy. Okaaay. This just made me love him even more.
He's true. Who would admit on an interview that he doesn't change his underwear for two days and that he likes the smell of his own fart? Luke Hemmings did.
He loves his family. Saw that picture of him and his cute baby nephew? Aww. I already envisioned Luke being the father of my babies. Hihihi.
He's weird. It's evident.

That's all the things I could say .. for now. But I love Luke Hemmings for who he is. I love him including his flaws and imperfections.

In this special day of him, I want to greet him a happy 19th birthday. It's the second birthday of him that I celebrated with the fandom.

Here is my short message.

Luke Hemmings,

You won't probably see this but I just want to greet you a happy 19th birthday, my penguin. You've been an inspiration to many. Don't stop doing what you're doing. Never be affected by the negative things they say to you. Wherever you are, I hope you can feel our love and support. I can't remember the exact date that I found myself fangirling over you but I can assure you that I'll be there every step of your way. You're my superhero.
My short message end up here. When we see each other, I will tell you everything I didn't say in here.
I love you and take care always.


Your zeroth fan,
the wanderlust penguin

Exam, I'm soooo over you

I really don't know whether I want or not want to pass the exam. The amount of allowance to be received is the only motivation I have. Because 6,000 pesos per month is just sooo good to be true. It's like I'm being paid for doing nothing.

The only predicament in here is the return of service. Teaching in high school? Uhh .. not cool.

How do you expect someone with a soft voice to speak in front of students? How do you expect someone with a shy character to be engaging during discussions? How do you expect someone who's vapid to make the students listen to her? Just hooooow?

That is the reason why I didn't engrossed myself in too much reviewing. Whenever I think of the ROS, I lose interest.


July 12, 2015. The day has finally came, the examination day.

The exam consisted of three parts- (1) logical reasoning, (2) power thinking, and (3) teaching aptitude inventory.

The logical reasoning has three parts. Although the time allotted for this area was really limited, I still managed to finish the exam without too much pressure.

In the power thinking, it composed of Math, Science and English.
That feeling when I was taking my time in answering the questions in the Science part and when the proctor wrote the time remaining in the white board, it was only then I realized that I was running out of time. I got sooo pressured!

Gosh, I wasn't even analyzing and computing things. I was purely guessing.

Same as when I was answering the Math and English parts.

What I hate about the English part are the lengthy paragraphs. Ohmygosh, I was losing patience in reading the passages. But then, I won't be able to answer the questions if I won't read.

And for the Teaching Aptitude Inventory part? Heck, 40 items in just a span of 20 minutes time? Just hoooow?
It was really pressuring. Good thing I still made it on time to answer all the questions.

The results will be posted some time in September. I'm not really excited. In fact, the result day is the day I dread to come.
The result will surely affect my future.


If I pass the exam, hello teaching career. But if I won't pass, I still don't know what to do with my future.

Yay for my first post!

I don't exactly know why I made another blog here in Blogger. My first blog was for school requirement.
But yeah, I decided to make a blog so I have a place to post my rants and insights, beside my private blog in Tumblr. This is where I will share my book reviews and some random stuff.

I'm kind of excited but I can't assure that I'll post frequently since I'm busy with my studies.

Well, honestly, I don't know what to say here in my first post. Hahaha.
I actually have an exam tomorrow and I'm here procrastinating like a pro.


I guess I'm out of characters so ... yay for my first post!