The Result I Dread to Know

It was July when I took the exam for the DOST scholarship. After about two months of waiting, the result has finally arrived.

September 15, 2015. How can I ever forget this day? It consisted of two events. First, it's the day wherein we had our annual Solidarity Night then second, the out-of-the-blue result day.

I want to share things about our Solidarity Night but since it's not the main topic in here, I will just skip on it.

So, after our Solidarity Night, I arrived at our house at around 10PM. Since I got pictures in my tablet, I decided to upload them right away even though I know that our internet connection is like a turtle.

I was then scrolling my news feed when a chat popped out. It was a message from a 4th yr, same course.

Her message consists of a link. Just by the name of the link, I already knew that it was about the result.

My heart was already pounding so hard, my hands were shaking more than ever.

I waited for the document to be downloaded. And when it was done downloading, I immediately went to my mother.

The door to their room was locked so I knocked and knocked. I can still hear their TV on so I assumed that she's still awake despite the time. I can't recall the exact time but I'm sure that it must be around 11PM.

I was so afraid to scroll and to check if my name was included in the list. I wanted to have my mother be the one to check it but I didn't fight the urge to check my name myself.

Since my last name starts with letter N, I was stocked on the last names starting with letter M. I was really nervous. And when I had the courage, I scrolled it more and I was sooooo shocked to see my last name. I still had to check if that last name had my first name. There could be someone who shares the same last name that also took the exam.

And when I saw my name, my freakin' whole name, that's the time that my mother opened the door.

I got mixed emotions that time.

I was happy that my mother was sooo proud and glad that for the second try, I've already passed the exam. But at the same time, I felt nervous. Teaching career, here I come.

Even though I am not still in favor of the ROS, I just can't refuse to accept the scholarship. I've disappointed my mother enough, it's time to fulfill one of her dreams for me.

Maybe there will come a time that I will be able to love my teaching career. Someday ... Somehow ...